Dealing with Difficult People

I want to share you this nice article :)


Can you recall the last time you had to deal with a negative or difficult person? Or the last time someone said something with the intention of hurting you? How did you handle it? What was the result? What can you do in the future to get through these situations with peace and grace?


No matter where we go, we will face people who are negative, people who oppose our ideas, people who piss us off or people who simply do not like us. There are 6.4 billion people out there and conflict is a fact of life. This fact isn’t the cause of conflict but it is the trigger to our emotions and our emotions are what drive us back to our most basic survival instinct; react and attack back to defend ourselves.


In these instinctual moments, we may lose track of our higher selves and become the human animal with an urge to protect ourselves when attacked. This too is natural. However, we are the only animal blessed with intelligence and having the ability to control our responses. So how can we do that?


I regularly get asked “How do you deal with the negative comments about your articles? They are brutal. I don’t think I could handle them.” My answer is simple, “I don’t let it bother me to begin with.” It wasn’t always this simple, and took me some time before overcoming this natural urgency to protect myself and attack back.
I know it’s not easy, if it was easy, there wouldn’t be difficult or negative people to begin with.


Why Bother Controlling Our Responses?


1. Hurting Ourselves
One of my favorite sayings is “Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” The only person we hurt is ourselves. When we react to negativity, we are disturbing our inner space and mentally creating pain within ourselves.


2. It’s Not About You, It’s About Them
I’ve learned that when people initiate negativity, it is a reflection of their inner state expressed externally and you just happen to be in front of that expression. It’s not personal, so why do we take it personally? In short: Because our ego likes problems and conflict. People are often so bored and unhappy with their own lives that they want to take others down with them.
There have been many times when a random person has left a purposefully hurtful comment on TSN, and regularly checked back to see if anyone else responded to their comment, waiting eagerly to respond with more negativity.


3. Battle of the Ego
When we respond impulsively, it is a natural and honest response. However, is it the smart thing to do? What can be resolved by doing so? The answer: Nothing. It does however feed our ego’s need for conflict.
Have you noticed that when we fight back, it feels really satisfying in our heads? But it doesn’t feel very good in our soul? Our stomach becomes tight, and we start having violent thoughts?
When we do respond irrationally, it turns the conversation from a one-sided negative expression into a battle of two egos. It becomes an unnecessary and unproductive battle for Who is Right?


4. Anger Feeds Anger. Negativity Feeds Negativity.
Rarely can any good come out of reacting against someone who is in a negative state. It will only trigger anger and an additional reactive response from that person. If we do respond impulsively, we’ll have invested energy in the defending of ourselves and we’ll feel more psychologically compelled to defend ourselves going forward.
Have you noticed that the angrier our thoughts become, the angrier we become? It’s a negative downward spiral.


5. Waste of Energy
Where attention goes, energy flows. What we focus on tends to expand itself. Since we can only focus on one thing at a time, energy spent on negativity is energy that could have been spent on our personal wellbeing.


6. Negativity Spreads
I’ve found that once I allow negativity in one area of my life, it starts to subtly bleed into other areas as well. When we are in a negative state or holding a grudge against someone, we don’t feel very good. We carry that energy with us as we go about our day. When we don’t feel very good, we lose sight of clarity and may react unconsciously to matters in other areas of our lives, unnecessarily.


7. Freedom of Speech
People are as entitled to their opinions as you are. Allow them to express how they feel and let it be. Remember that it’s all relative and a matter of perspective. What we consider positive can be perceived by another as negative. When we react, it becomes me-versus-you, who is right?
Some people may have a less than eloquent way of expressing themselves – it may even be offensive, but they are still entitled to do so. They have the right to express their own opinions and we have the right and will power to choose our responses. We can choose peace or we can choose conflict.


Quoted from:
http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/dealing-with-difficult-people/

FIRST AID

Aaaaaaargghhhh..

Sore ini rasanya kacau balau banget!

Yap, today I’m going to talk about reality. Not a big event but it does scare the hell out of me!

This afternoon around 5.40 p.m at Sudirman station, about 1 minute before my train Sudirman Express arrived, a guy across my line fell and having an epilepsy. While he was down there, with seizure attacked him all over his body, people was just starred at him at first, some were shocked, until several seconds later (which felt like more than a minute for me) several people started to crowd around him. They began to nudge and call that man; that people, me, we didn’t know what to do. There was no paramedic at that moment, people was busy and aware for their arriving train, and most of all, we don’t know how to give first aid for him.

It was easy to talk about humanity and everything, but when we were faced with real problem, in such a dillematic condition, and what do we do??

I terribly regret my decision this afternoon. I, beyond many people, should have more thing for humanity, I am young, I can act fast, I should have just run upstair to the nearest watchman, and ask him to give first aid to that poor man. More than that, I should have knew how to give first aid in such situation like that!

And in all my way to home on the train, I can’t stop thinking, how if it was my mother who got epilepsy or heart attack, and people was just crowded around her with noone actually think about asking for help, or able to give first aid. When I began to think about it I can feel my tears fell down (perhaps it was more caused by my unstable hormones at the moment).

From this day, I SWEAR I WILL LEARN about how to give first aid for something like this!

I will find a book or whatever about these things that I should have paid more attention before. No more bullshit! Life is just more than that! I can make changes to this world by doing an ACT, not by talking.

First aid for epilepsy: http://www.epilepsy.com/epilepsy/firstaid

Many seizure types-such as generalized absence seizures or complex partial seizures, which involve relatively brief episodes of unresponsiveness- don’t require any specific first-aid measures.

1. Stay calm
2. Prevent injury
   During the seizure, you can exercise your common sense by insuring there is nothing within reach that could harm the person if she struck it.
3. Pay attention to the length of the seizure
4. Make the person as comfortable as possible
5. Keep onlookers away
6. Do not hold the person down
   If the person having a seizure thrashes around there is no need for you to restrain them. Remember to consider your safety as well
7. Do not put anything in the person's mouth
   Contrary to popular belief, a person having a seizure is incapable of swallowing their tongue so you can breathe easy in the knowledge that you do not have to stick your fingers into the mouth of someone in this condition.
8. Do not give the person water, pills, or food until fully alert
9. If the seizure continues for longer than five minutes, call 911
10. Be sensitive and supportive, and ask others to do the same

After the seizure, the person should be placed on her left side. Keep in mind there is a small risk of post-seizure vomiting, before the person is fully alert. Therefore, the person’s head should be turned so that any vomit will drain out of the mouth without being inhaled. Stay with the person until she recovers (5 to 20 minutes).

행복!

Is it true that I make my own happiness?
It seems that for most of the times I make my happiness by making other people happy.
The happiness itself is (I believed) induced from other, either I help to make it or it is being passed from one to another until it finally came to me.
Have you ever heard a story about how kindness is being passed from one people to another?
There is always a person that start it at first, but then somehow it never stops at one person.


How about the idea of trying to be the first one that creates the happiness for people around you?
I believe it will come back to us someday, I am not sure when.
If you haven't try it before, make tomorrow your first day!
Believe in yourself, be strong for yourself and for others around you; as it will be passed on until someday it comes to reach you from the hand of others :)

"See the world from different eyes!"

Scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As much as I want to scream all my desperation right now, on the opposite I know that no one will ever be able to help me, other than myself.
So.... just live the life to the fullest , and never regret anything! otherwise I'll just make it even worse. hehe
I wish I had my father alive, there're many things that I want to ask him, things about life, money vs. education, family vs. myself, etc..
But NO! I will not blame my condition. I must make my own way out of this black hole ^^
Ciao!

meLogikakan Cinta (part 2)

Nah, dari semua tulisan di atas, kita balik ke judul :) Melogikakan Cinta. Drtd bicaranya udah cinta, cinta melulu. Bosan kan yee?? Sama :p.

“Logika berasal dari kata Yunani kuno λόγος (logos) yang berarti hasil pertimbangan akal pikiran yang diutarakan lewat kata dan dinyatakan dalam bahasa. Logika adalah salah satu cabang filsafat. Sebagai ilmu, logika disebut dengan logike episteme (Latin: logica scientia) atau ilmu logika (ilmu pengetahuan) yang mempelajari kecakapan untuk berpikir secara lurus, tepat, dan teratur. (Pengantar Logika. Asas-asas penalaran sistematis. Oleh Jan Hendrik Rapar. Penerbit Kanisius. ISBN 979-497-676-8)”

“(Rasional) kata diambil dari bahasa inggris rational yang mempunyai definisi yaitu dapat diterima oleh akal dan pikiran dapat ditalar sesuai dengan kemampuan otak.Hal-hal yang rasional adalah suatu hal yang di dalam prosesnya dapat dimengerti sesuai dengan kenyataan dan realitas yang ada. (Wikipedia)”

Ok, berdasarkan definisi di atas yang saya search tidak lebih dr 5 menit (jadi maaf kalau definisinya agak ngaco), mungkin judul yang lebih tepat adalah meRasionalkan Cinta, tapi meLogikakan Cinta lebih enak didenger kalo buat saya, jadi judulnya tetap aja lah ya. hehe.

Cinta itu harusnya ga buat susah. Ga buat waktu kita banyak terkuras buat memikirkan masalah cinta. Ga buat kita jadi lesu dan malas makan. Ga buat kita jadi autis dan malah jalan2 sendiri (meskipun kadang jalan2 sendiri juga diperlukan untuk memikirkan masalah2 lain dengan tenang. Soalnya kadang di sekitar kita terlalu ribut oleh aktivitas orang-orang yang kita kenal. Another curcol :p Makanya mungkin itu yang disebut, sekelilingku ramai, tapi aku merasa sepi, nah, keadaan ini yang ingin g cari saat ini. Sepi dan tenang. Berpikir dan bekerja dengan damai. Membuat keputusan dengan damai. Untung ada prasarana pembantu seperti canal earphone, yang terbukti cukup ampuh memblokir suara-suara dr luar, dan iTunes ™ :p)

How to control ourself.. how to manage our feeling. With me just saying, "STOP being selfish!", it won't help anything. There're some ways that I find helpful for me.. by writing this note is also one way for me to express my feeling, to sort-out my feeling, and to become my own evaluation. By writing this note and constantly read it, I hope it will remind me of my decision, for the sake of an ideal state (or at least what I thought is ideal for the present condition, the present state). I'm sure that maybe some of people attached to my decision (orang kedua, ketiga, keempat, kelima, dst) will be disappointed in some way, but I'm also write this note to give you courage to make the right decision for yourself. To let the time solved my problem makes me looks like an irresponsible person (jadi ingat ada masalah lama juga yang belum selesai. ahh... philio, philio. hehe).

Just try to find a way to express you feeling, to let it all out (scream out loud, throw the rocks, kick the ball, bang the keyboard, go shopping, etc. --> Do your FAVORITE things), and then think... Think carefully, use your mind, listen to your sense.. Take the time for yourself and you may ignore the other for a day (just a short time for yourself while the rest already spent with others). Kalau saya sih.. ngerasanya ga tenang selama masih ada masalah yang mengganjal seperti ini, selain karena sudah tidak ideal, mau ngapa-ngapain juga jadi ga konsen :).

Solusi kedua, yang entah guna atau enggak, tapi biasanya sih lumayan buat meringankan beban dalam hati, yaitu dengan cerita sama org lain. Yahh.. minta sudut pandang lain lah. Kadang guna, soalnya kadang solusi yang dkasih org lain bisa lebih ideal drpd solusi kita (tentunya kalo kita cerita sama org yg lebih berpengalaman n terkenal bisa berpikir rasional juga :p). Kadang ga guna, ini biasanya kalo kita cerita sama temen sebaya kita yang sebenernya ga terallu peduli sama kita n yah cuma jadi tong sampah sepintas lalu aja :p. Atau ga kadang ga guna soalnya ternyata solusi kita lebih rasional n lebih cocok daripada solusi-solusi yang diobral sama orang-orang itu (kaya orang sakit kanker, dikasih saran miunum obat herbal ini itu padahal solusinya mungkin ada di dalam emosi kita dan tentunya pola makan. *yg ini bener-bener ga nyambung jadi boleh dibaca sepintas lalu aja

Solusi lain lagi... berdoa :) kadang berdoa bener-bener bisa menenangkan pikiran, tapi tentunya cara ini cuma berlaku buat yang non atheis :) Selain itu, bisa juga dengan mencari kualitas-kualitas lain dalam diri orang lain yang bisa membuat pikiran kita teralih. yah, intinya mengalihkan pikiran sih. Kadang tiba-tiba kita bisa menemui kualitas-kualitas baru dalam diri orang lain, entah yang baru kenal, atau yang sudah kenal lama (bener loh, kadang saya juga masih kaget kalo ngobrol sama sahabat atau pasangan. Karena ternyata saya masih belum mengetahui kualitas dirinya yang itu).

Lantas, nah yang ini baru kepikiran, buang segala praduga atau kegeeran2 Anda (yang ini buat sahabat baik saya berinisial V :p). Kadang sebenarnya mereka hanya mengagumi kualitas-kualitas Anda tanpa ada maksud untuk menjalin hubungan dengan Anda. Karena untuk menjalin sebuh hubungan, yang diperhatikan tidak cuma kualitas, tapi juga kedewasaan emosi seseorang, latar belakang keluarga, etc. Uppsss.. saya mulai rancu. Jangan-jangan semua yang saya sebutkan ini juga kualitas? Sepertinya begitu. Yasudahlah, tidak penting. toh note ini tidak akan mempengaruhi hidup Anda sebanyak dia mempengaruhi hidup saya. Apabila Anda meraa bahwa note ini ditujukan untuk Anda, maka Anda tidak sepenuhnya salah (ya memang sedikit banyak untuk disharekan buat kalian semua :p), tapi sebenarnya note ini lebih sebagai sarana pelampiasan emosi saya yang sedang tidak karuan. Note ini saya tujukan untuk masa depan saya :)

Ok.. pikiran saya tampaknya sudah mulai kemana-mana dan apa yang saya tulis ini mulai terasa palsu. haha

Jadi sebaiknya saya sudahi saja sampai di sini.

Kalau ada kata-kata yang kurang berkenan silahkan beritahu saya dan kalau ada sudut pandang-sudut pandang lain silahkan disampaikan juga.

I would love to hear your thoughts! :)

Salam, Tania.

(2010.09.10 12.48 PM GMT+7)

meLogikakan Cinta (part 1)

(2010.09.10 around 10 AM GMT+7)
Melogikakan Cinta


Pertama-tama, mohon maaf atas tulisan saya yg tidak berbobot ini :)


Yap, judulnya aja tentang Cinta. Si kata dengan 5 huruf itu, C-I-N-T-A. Kata yg bisa membuat orang jungkir balik, lari-lari saking kesenengannya ato bahkan sampe hampir mau bunuh diri saking sedihnya. Baru aja sih tadi terpikir pas di kamar mandi sambil sikat gigi :p, love should not complicate your life. It should makes you smile and feel extraordinary. (I use the word ‘should’ which means that the things that I wrote were all based on my idealism. And one thing that I learn is that; don't ever mess with other people idealism. Since you can't change that, you can only give another point of view to that people.) Today I woke up with such an unpleasant morning and it is annoying. Since I already plan this day to write my thesis and somehow I read a text message that ruined my mood for this day.


Until now, I believe that love should be something that would bring happiness and peace. Philio. But then why, in the reality it brings not just happiness but also sorrow?
Haha... Duhh. jadi inget pas waktu tingkat-tingkat sarjana awal dulu juga pernah mikir begini :)


Hmm.... Mungkin itu yang terjadi kalo cinta yang lo katakan itu bukan "pure love" sebenernya. Coz I'm sure, that pure love won't give you any burden. It won't burden anyone! Cinta yang murni itu tidak egois dan tidak meminta balasan (for example: the love from our parents). Cinta ada untuk diberikan dengan gratis dan kalau org itu tidak mau terima, yasudah.. tetaplah cintai dia sampai cinta itu habis. Toh meskipun cintamu itu tidak bersambut (entah karena memang dianya ga mau atau karena kondisi yg tidak memungkinkan) tapi kan pada dasarnya yang kita cintai dr orang itu adalah kualitas dirinya. Nilai-nilai yang ada dalam dirinya itulah yang membuat kita jatuh cinta :) Hal ini pula yang memungkinkan kita mencintai lebih dari satu orang tertentu (one specified people. Nyelimur donk. Ntah kenapa g sering menggunakan kata ini, ‘specified’. ‘An exact, specified condition.’ Ok, ini bisa menjadi topik lain untuk dibahas di note berikutnya mungkin. Entah kapan :p ).


Okay, mungkin ini juga yang menyebabkan g pengen single dulu sebenernya untuk saat ini. And I know that this is an unwise statement to say when you're in a relationship and your couple might read this and start asking many things and maybe finally break up with you though you don't want it (another curcol :p). Jadi, kenapa g mau single dulu, mungkin sebenarnya karena g pengen mencintai sebanyak mungkin orang. I love their quality but I don't want to be in a relationship until the right time. Karena pada umumnya, ketika kita terlibat dalam sebuah hubungan, pasangan (dan saya sendiri juga, biasanya :p) akan menuntut sebuah cinta yg tunggal. Egois. Manusia itu pada dasarnya egois (lagi-lagi menurut saya loh ya). Dan ketika kita mencintai kualitas yg ada pada diri org lain biasanya pasangan tidak bisa menerimanya. Tapi yah.. kalau kita memang dari awal sudah terlanjur menjalin komitmen, mungkin tantangan yang paling penting adalah bagaimana caranya agar:

1. Menjadi pasangan yang berpikiran terbuka dan mengurangi sikap keegoisan kita. Terima saja kalau memang ada orang lain yang mempunyai kualitas yang lebih baik drpd kita, toh memang setiap itu punya kelebihan dan kekurangan yang berbeda :) Jadi ya jangan marah-marah lagi kalau pasangan asik ngobrol dengan lawan jenis yang memang memiliki kualitas yg dikagumi pasangan. (Poin ini terutama menjadi evaluasi buat diri saya sendiri karena selama ini pun saya cencerung egois.)
2. Menjaga komitmen yang sudah ada. Bagaimanapun menariknya kualitas yang terdapat pada diri orang lain itu, tetap, jangan lupa bahwa kamu punya komitmen. Dengan umur di atas 20 tahun seperti sekarang ini rasaya kita harusnya sudah lebih dewasa dan sudah tidak bermain-main lagi dengan yang namanya komitmen. Meskipun pada awalnya komitmen itu dibuat dengan kasadaran yg belum sepenuhnya akan tanggung jawab (hak dan kewajiban) yang terikut bersama dengan komitmen itu, tapi dengan kedewasaan pemikiran kita sekarang harusnya komitmen itu lebih mudah dijalani. Ketertarikan dan kekaguman itu hukum alam. Mau dibagaimanakan lagi, wong namanya suka. Yang kita sukai itu kualitas. Sama seperti membeli barang, beli barang bagus, bulan depan ketemu barang yang beda tapi kualitasnya juga bagus ya dibeli lagi. Tapi kan bukan brarti ketemu yg baru, lantas yang lama dilupakan. Ya itu namanya komitmen, setia, op een persoon. Walaupun rasanya pembicaraan seperti takkan pernah habis dengan si orang berkualitas itu, tapi kan pasangan kita juga bukannya tanpa kualitas. Hanya karena kita sudah kenal lebih lama saja makanya seperti tidak ada yg baru. Berikanlah waktu-waktu terbaikmu untuk pasanganmu. Kecuali kalau kamu memang sudah hilang rasa ya sudahi saja, daripada makan ati buat dua-duanya (ya masak tiga, taniaaa... )

..... (continued on 'meLogikakan Cinta (part 2) )

Airport, 1st week @KAIST, Kimbab ^^

--> --> -->

July, 2^nd 2010,

Today is my first day at Korea.

--> My plane with flight number KE628 (Korean Airline with B777-200) was arrived at Incheon International Airport around 07.10 a.m. It was very rainy outside and also there’s some fog at the airport. After that I went through the quarantine post, and had a minor problem related to my abdominal pain as effect for my maag (stomach disorder). After that I have to pick my luggage at the baggage claim, and go through the immigration post. Just as I expect, my senior colleague, Byoma Argyoganendro (Agy) has waited for me there. Poor him (but I really thank him for picking me up, otherwise I’ll be a lost child -->:D), he has to take bus at 05.30 a.m. from his place to arrive at 06.30 a.m. at Incheon, and unfortunately for him, he has to wait for about 40 minutes because of my delayed time. After that we went to the bus ticket counter and we bought ticket for me (to Daejeon Government Complex) and him (to Konkuk University). My ticket priced 21,000 won for an Airport Deluxe Bus, and the trip took time for about 180 minutes. In the middle of the trip, the bus stop at some rest area named Cheonan Service Area, and almost 90% of people on the bus go down and do some muscle stretching. People here drive very fast; it was almost like 120-130 km/h at the free way. --> -->

--> -->

Do you notice that there’s two different plat numbers here? The green plat number is the older one and the white is the newer one. There’s also yellow plat number and it’s usually for taxi.

After that, I go down at Daejeon Government Complex, and after waiting for about 15 minutes or so, I was picked up by Park Jae Won (my second savior on this day :D). We then went by taxi to KAIST, and we dropped at the dormitory. It still rain so hard, and it is not a good thing when you have to take a 21 kg luggage with you.

She took cared all my dorm needs, like pillow (and etc like bed sheet, blanket (luckily I brought my own)). I got room number 250 and turn out that I have a roommate :D. She’s not at the place when I came in, but she went home on about 10.30 p.m. She’s a researcher and has just finished her master degree and about to apply for doctoral degree this year (I forgot what department she goes into). She’s 26 years old or 28 years old in Korean’s age, but she still looked young, almost looked like in the same age with me. And for Park Jae Won, she’s 23 years old or 25 years old in Korean’s age. I don’t know how they calculate the Korean’s age but I guess there must be something like Korean calendar, as well as there’s Chinese calendar.

After I finished arranged all my stuffs in my new room, I took bath, and I was very surprised because here, they just use shower curtain instead of usual bathroom doors like in Indonesia to cover the shower room. There’s no hangers in the shower room, and instead of it, you have to use cupboards that placed outside the shower room to place all your stuffs (clothes, underwear, and towel). I made my first mistake but I won’t tell you here ;). Fortunately they have water heater here...

At 1 p.m. I met again with Park Jae Won, and we had lunch together at the cafeteria named Kaimaru. Actually cafeteria pictures below were taken on my second day here. There’re two parts of this cafeteria, the right part is for buffet menu, and the left side is for ala-carte menu. I tried tuna-kimbab on the left side for just 2,000 won (my senior always said not to convert it to rupiahs otherwise you’ll get irritated). Unfortunately I forgot to take a picture of the tuna-kimbab but all I can describe about it is that it’s kinda like sushi; cucumber, radish, tuna, mayonnaise rolled in rice and wrapped with nori (dried seaweed). It’s eaten with kimchi, sour taste radish, and tasty soup as side dish.

--> -->After we had our lunch, we went to the Aerospace Department which located at the Mechanical Department Building (almost the same like we had at the ITB, only building is bigger here). Park Jae Won took me to her lab, Smart System and Structures Lab dedicated to Prof. Han’s students. There’re about seven until eight people worked in there and all of them are postgraduate students. We met with Prof. Han later and he asked much about me, my first time in Korea, my English competence, and Aerospace education at ITB. He said that they have lot of postgraduate Aerospace students in KAIST, but only about 50 undergraduate students for every year. Pictures below also took in my second day here (lucky it was Saturday so the place was deserted and I can take a lot of pictures).